Today's a very special day to me. I can feel my body shivering. The day is going by very slowly I wish it would go faster so I can get this over with. Sitting in class thinking about it has my head hurting. I didn't know how to do it, I never done this before ... I thought about this all day. What if I did it wrong? I kept thinking. He'd never talk to me again. Picturing my lips touching his lips would be so magical. It was such a perfect picture in my head. His lips would taste like peppermint gum. We would be floating in the sky like the stars at night. All throughout the day, I had these little tiny butterflies in my stomach. My teacher thought I was sick.
It finally came to the end of the day I rushed to my locker without talking to anyone and got my jacket rushed on my bus. I was hoping he would stay after school and not come on the bus but guess what? My wish did not come true. He showed up on the bus a few minutes after me. There were no other seats on the bus except for mine so he sat next to me. I turned my head to the window pretending I did not see him sit down next to me. He tapped me on the shoulder and said hi. I could not get any words to come out. My lips kept vibrating and everything. I was so embarrassed. He said you can’t say hi now and I said sorry hey. The conversation went on and he was asking me about if we still wanted to get this done with I said yes I do even though I was scared I really wanted to say YES!! But I was trying to keep calm. When we got off the bus I followed him. I didn’t want to go in his house because I had this feeling inside of me that was telling me no so we didn’t.
We stayed outside by the trees. We had a very long conversation about stuff that doesn’t even matter now. He asked me if I ever kissed anyone before I said yes but not real kissing just a peck. I felt like a total loser. Did I really tell him that? I kept thinking. He leaned over and started to kiss me. OMG his lips tasted like fresh gum, it was so magical and pretty. The moment his tongue touched my tongue I felt this little relief inside of me. After we kissed he walked me home. I felt like the happiest girl ever that day. If I could, I would replay that day because it was so special to me. It’s one of those days I can’t and will never forget.
Judeline, I hope this is just a draft and that you are going to add to it. Your vignette is a picture of your life at a certain age, not your opinions about it. Esperanza leaves all of her opinions out. She tells her stories in pictures, not opinions. This vignette will not pass the assignment as it stands here. Create a picture around it. Don't mention sex directly. Keep reading the novel. Esperanza is wondering about sex but it's always very indirect. Read her vignettes on sex, even in the one called "Red Clowns." Cisneros handles sex powerfully but it is still only hinted at.
ReplyDeleteOkay, so this is an improvement. However, there are so many errors and typos that it's very hard to read. Please read this blog out loud to yourself so that you can catch the errors and fix them.
ReplyDeleteAlso, all that you have to do between paragraphs is hit enter twice. You don't have to indent.
Please revise and edit and re-post. Thanks!
Even better but still some run-on sentences in your last paragraph. Please re-read carefully and fix them. It's a sweet vignette.
ReplyDelete